Practical advice for husbands: Don't try to turn your wife into your mother.

Marriage takes work

Marriage is not for the lazy. There are no ten simple steps to a greater marriage— no 7 day solution to marital conflicts. There are no shortcuts. Marriage takes work. Both spouses must be willing to commit themselves to the daily disciplines of serving and understanding each other. Time must be set aside for learning about each other. Marriages, like gardens, do not take care of themselves. There must be mutual daily dedication to finding the roots of conflict, and cultivating the soils of each other’s hearts. But I am not trying to be poetic— just honest. If you will not work at your marriage it will die like gardens die when all of their first and promising beauty is overwhelmed by wild and poisonous weeds.

Stop now. Ask yourself— or each other— when is the last time we have spoken about us? Not the bills, the kids, the office, the church, or the neighbors— but about you and me. Have we stopped learning about each other? Did that end shortly after we said I do?

The time is now. No matter how bad your relationship seems, there is hope— if you are willing to learn how to learn about each other.

If you are interested, let me know. I will be posting a series of questions and activities that spouses can use consistently to understand and to be understood. These tools will help you communicate concern and compassion, while working to overcome and avoid conflict. I look forward to serving you with practical advice about marriage from someone (me) who has made enough mistakes to last several lifetimes.

I have a strong and growing marriage now— but only through great pain— some of which I can help you avoid as you and I keep learning from my mistakes.

Pastor Brian Vieira